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Yaoi- recap

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 09:34:55 +0100

how 2 rite gud fanfikshun

By theretard5892

Chapter seventeen: Yaoi- recap

First off- apologies. I'm sorry for any and all things that I have said in previous chapters that anyone found offensive. I've grown up quite a bit since the last time I posted, and I'm a lot more intelligent and a lot less n00bish. I said things that I shouldn't have said, and I apologize. (I don't apologize for calling all my readers idiots, though, because I still stand firm with that accusation.)

Second- The actual subject of this chapter. Yaoi. I will attempt to describe my disgust regarding this subject in a more mature and less offensive way.

1) Common argument: 'Who cares if they aren't gay in the series? This is FANfiction!' All right. I admit it- this is a valid argument. But, please, if you're writing yaoi? Go the extra mile and make sure that it makes sense. In fact, writers of all pairings should do this. Don't just post some sort of EdxBlack Hayate shit with the excuse 'this is FANfiction!' sloppily pasted into an A/N. Put some thought into it. What's the backstory behind Ed's sudden kinky and disturbing taste in love partners? (Needless to say, it would be an interesting story. EdxBlack Hayate? Do tell!) Also, as horrible and wrong as it is, you must keep in mind the simple truth of the matter:

Homosexuals are not quickly and easily accepted. It's idealistic and incorrect to assume that the only problems of a gay couple would be fights-between-lovers and forgetting anniversaries. Keep the gay controversy in mind, at the very least. It doesn't have to be a major plot point or anything, but if it's a long, continuous romance between Ed and Roy, remember that there would be trouble in real life. Two well-known military men of dramatically different ages with dramatically similar reproductive organs aren't going to be able to sex it up without serious country-wide gossip.

2) Excuse me for saying this, but some of the pairings are really out-there. For example, EdxHughes. Um. Yeah. 15-year-old boy + happily married something-years-old man = hot, steamy man smex.

I don't think so.

I understand that all- no, not all, most- yaoi romance is written to be more, well, romantic than just man-sex and dirty jokes as us crackfic-writers portray it as. (Give me some credit there- it's not possible to poke fun at a pairing while always trying to please the fans of said pairing. It simply isn't done.) But, again, I come back to the main point of this chappy: Go the extra mile to give your OTP some sort of logical backstory. This applies to heterosexual pairings as well- don't think that I've forgotten you, EdxNoa shippers.

3) Go the extra mile to give your OTP some sort of logical backstory!

Read that sentence as many times as it takes for it to break through that thick skull of yours and penetrate the squishy blob that most people call the 'brain'. That's where thinkin' happens, and that's exactly what I want you to do: THINK.

How is Roy able to get Ed into bed with him a mere twenty-four hours after confessing his undying love?

If there was Elricest in the earlier chapters, why did you switch to EdxHei? Is Ed really shallow and desperate enough to get a new boyfriend simply because he resembles his brother?

Where are Gracia and Elicia in this EdxHughes fic?

Why, in this FMA high school AU Edvy fic, does no one make fun of the blatant homosexuals despite the fact that the entire plot relies on the fact that -they are at high school-? (I'm not homophobic, but who's to say that all the students at this AU-school are the same?)

4) FMA yaoi is, in case you haven’t noticed, non-cannon. EdWin is implied multiple times in the manga (these implications are easy to notice to avid readers and EdWin fans alike, although yaoi fans probably have techniques of their own for finding their fav pairings hinted within the storyline) and, therefore, has at least slight cannon-basis to build from. I would be equally infuriated to read het pairing fanfiction for a yaoi series.

In short, put some thought into your yaoi. Again, I'm not saying that het pairings are always more well-thought-out, but they do require less thought, in my opinion, because there are less real-world obstacles to include and overcome.

I apologize for the not-funniness of this chapter and also for any offending comments that I inadvertently may have made. I leave you with a 'sorry' and a joke:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE.

OH EM GEE IMA LAFFIN MAH ARSE OFF.

Flamers

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 01:18:55 +0100

Flamers can be difficult to deal with. They can often attack your writing on a personal level and can undermine your confidence in yourself and your skills. It's important to develop a thick skin, otherwise flames will bother you for a long time after you receive them.

Everyone will get a flame at least once in their writing career, if they achieve any kind of recognition at all. (By "recognition" I mean you at least get a few reviews or a hundred-plus hits. It's not that many, really.)

It's important when you get a flame not to respond right away. Getting pissed off about it helps no one, and if you're pissed off and you respond right away, you will probably come off as unreasonable, angry, and mean. The longer the wait, the more likely you are to think about your response and what the flamer was really thinking when they wrote it.

First, remember that flamers are people too, and they can make mistakes. Maybe your flamer didn't read your writing carefully enough and got the wrong idea. This has happened to me. My flamer was angry over my characterization of Winry, and was afraid that I had cast her in a weak light. I was presented with this gem of an insult: "Winry of ENATAgain, screw you." I quote this from memory--the insult really scalded my brain. I knew I had tried really hard to get her character right and to write her how she might react to the things that were happening to her. After sitting on the insult for a while, I came to realize that my flamer had misinterpreted my writing and had a completely false image of my writing in his head. I also realized that in this flamer's mind, I was writing a hugely misogynist and antifeminist piece of work. If I ever read something as horrible as what this flamer saw in my writing, I would be horrified. I would deinitely flame anyone who wrote something like that.

But that wasn't what I had written. So, after realizing what had happened. I calmy explained to my flamer what misunderstanding had occurred. I also included a possibly less-than-appropriate suggestion that certain people should think before they flame. This was my way of suggesting that I had been personally offended by the flame, and it worked. My flamer apologized to me within days and admitted that he was in the wrong.

If your flamer is the type borne of misinterpretation, the best thing you can do is try to correct the misunderstanding in a nonthreatening way.

The next type of flamer is one who corrects you, especially in an insulting way, or in a way that makes you feel insulted. Some writers will get unduly offended if a review contains anything other than praise and admiration. When a review contains a statement that is insulting to you, try to remember that your response is key to fixing the situation, or exacerbating it.

Communication between the writer and the reader is important on the amateur writing level. If you don't get honest feedback, you might be writing something completely horrible and not even know it. It's important to keep this in mind when reading a review that you feel attacks your story.

Think carefully about what the reviewer is trying to correct and try to think of it from an unbiased perspective. Is your flamer stating facts, such as "Air conditioning did not exist in the time of FMA" or "Envy is actually a male and his hair is black, not green"? Or is your flamer stating opinions, such as, "Ed and Rose would never hook up because Ed loves Winry" or "Roy isn't gay! He's a womanizer!" The key is NO BIAS. If you are being biased towards your story, you will probably fail to see at what point the line between fact and opinion is crossed.

When responding to a correction review, please use extreme caution when stating this: "That's why it's called fanFICTION! Because it's made up!" I can't tell you how many times I've gotten this statement in a review reply. This is probably the most annoying thing you can ever say to a correction reviewer.

Once I reviwed a fic in which Winry had an asthma attack, and I pointed out that asthma rescue inhalers using fast-acting bronchiodilators such as albuterol, prednisone, ipratropium, etc. did not exist in the early 20th century, and the drug of choice for rescue from an asthma attack would have been epinephrine, inhaled in much the same way as anesthetics such as ether and chloroform. It was a valid point, but instead of accepting this, the person responded with the "That's why it's called fanFICTION" excuse.

Fiction has to make sense. Reality doesn't. Think about it.

Just because you are writing fiction doesn't mean you are exempt from reality. The fact that you have chosen to write fanfiction implies that you have consented to write a work of fiction that rests solely inside the context of an already created universe. AUs are a different matter, but the fic I'm talking about was not an AU, it was set inside the regular 'verse, which means it should have been constrained to the rules of the 'verse.

If someone tries to correct your research or logic in a fic, first check if their point is valid. In the examples above:

- Air conditioning did not exist in the time of FMA. FACT-BASED. VALID.
- Envy is actually a male and his hair is black, not green. FACT-BASED. VALID.
- Ed and Rose would never hook up because Ed loves Winry. OPINION-BASED. NOT VALID.
- Roy isn't gay! He's a womanizer! JUSTIFIABLE, BUT COULD GO EITHER WAY. DEFENSIBLE.

For the two valid points listed, you should respond humbly. Their correction is fact-based and logical, regardless of how offensively worded it may be in the flame itself. If you come across a fact-based correction, try not to take offense. Admit your mistakes. You will be a bigger person for it. If the fact-based correction is insulting in wording or is guised under personal attack, it may be okay to gently point out that you have been unnecessarily offended, but don't be obnoxious about it. Keep it classy.

For the invalid point listed, it is best to remind the flamer that both pairings of EdRose and EdWinry can be allowed in your fanfic because the pairings are not explicitly resolved in the anime or manga. You will probably need to have good reasons behind your defense of the pairing and the circumstances under which the pairing occurred. If you're just ging to write with the assumption that Ed loves Rose and that's that, there's a likelihood that you will get on your readers' nerves for not justifying the pairing within the canon of your fic. For example, writing an EdRose fic in the mangaverse might get your readers a little annoyed with you because of the EdWinry overtones of the manga, especially if you don't justify EdRose enough or if you simply discard the overt EdWinry friendship/possible romantic relationship present in the manga. That's not an issue for reasons of pairing, however--that would be an issue for canonical reasons.

For the fourth one: You could probably point out that gay men sometimes are sexually promiscuous with women as a cover, before they come out of the closet. However, if you're using that as your excuse to pair your favorite yaoi ship, you're probably going to annoy some people if your writing doesn't have any more substance to it than "Roy is gay, look at me writing about him prancing around with a variety of male characters!" This is the main reason why I get annoyed with yaoi writers. I aplogize for the stereotype, but many of them really don't care whether their ship makes sense, as long as it fulfills their sexual fantasies. THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS. I KNOW THIS. But considering how much yaoi there is in fanfiction, the exceptions are increasingly fewer and father between.

Here's the gist of what I'm saying: Keep to the canon, or at least man up and admit you're not sticking to it. Don't fight it. And if somebody tells you you're wrong, second-guess yourself. You might be, you might not be. Everybody has an opinion. Your flamers are not always right, but neither are you.

Correction flamers are difficult to deal with, but leave your bias safely at home where it belongs and you should be able to react poliltely and prevent miscommunication. Poor communication leads to flame wars.

And finally, fitting in neither of the two categories, there are the flamers who flame because they just like to flame. They insult you personally, tell you never to write again, tell you you're horrible for whatever reason, etc. Just ignore them. They're jerks.

--AliasAurora, aka A. P. Patterson, on flamers.

Crack

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 00:00:55 +0100

how 2 rite gud fanfikshun

By theretard5892

Chapter Sixteen: Crack

Alright, everyone. This is probably the hardest thing to teach. Why, you ask? Because there are no rules- or even basic guidelines- to writing crack.

See, crack doesn't come from your brain. And, of course, you are now expecting the oh-so-cliché 'it comes from your heart' line, but that would be lying, and I don't lie. Much.

Crack doesn't come from your brain OR you heart.

Crack comes from your ass.

Some examples of good crack:

-Any of my crackfics. (Advertising fail)

-Any and all of Muten Azuki's fanfics. They're all crack. I recommend 'The Darwin Awards'. *nods* A-yup.

-'Chains' by Ayumi Elric. Actually, it's a Death Note fanfic, but it's really good. And funny. And cracky and stuff...Yeah. Ya know. *shrugs*

-Anything in my favorites list with 'Mary Sue parody' written in the summary. Good stuff.

So, go read and learn, my dumbass students!

Bye for now!

-theretard5892

By the way, sorry for the short chapter. But there’s really not much to say.

Also, any suggestions for chapters that are submitted via review will be written. Eventually.

Otaku language

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 00:00:09 +0100

how 2 rite gud fanfikshun

By theretard5892

Chapter Fifteen: Otaku language

Thank you to readingFreek for suggesting this chapter. If you hadn't reviewed anonymous, I could've thanks you in a review reply instead of the actual chapter. But NO.

Anyways, the subject of today's lesson, boys and girls (although the majority of the population of FFnet is girls, thus questioning the 'boy's manga' status of the series) is on the fabled 'otaku language.'

Example:

"Nii-san, we're going to a party."

Ed fell over anime style and twitched. "Gobbledygook!* Oh no! But I don't want to go, Al-sama."

"Too bad, Nii-san. Let's go."

-Later (What's 'later' in Japanese? cuz, lyke, in english fanfikshun, its gud 2 use japanesey whatsits, rite? it mkes it kewler an stuffz. so ya.)-

"Konnichiwa, Riza-sensei, Roy-kun, Havoc-no kimi, Breda-chan and...Fuery and Falman don't exist because they aren't funny and I've run out of unsuitable honorifics. Kyou no tenki yohou wa, gozen wa ame, gogo wa hyou, yoru wa namekuji ka. Ichiou, kawa wo motte ikou kana. I don't know what that means, but it's Japanesey AND SO IT FITS!" Ed yelled. He was then taken off to a room with cushy walls for using a language that was completely unknown to all residents of Amestris. The only remotely similar language was Xingese, and even that wasn't close enough to be relevant.

An anger mark appeared on Ed's head. "I DON'T WANNA GO TO THE ASYLUM, SECURITY GUARD-CHAN!!"

Security Guard-chan sweatdropped. "Nani? But you're insane..."

"OH NO!" yelled the other security guards. "YOU'RE INSANE TOO! GET HIM!"

Thus, Edo-kun and Security Guard-chan went to prison and learned more Japanese from all the readers that were crying over the inevitable angst fic.

THE END

* I don't really know any Japanese...*shrugs* Oh well! It doesn't matter much. I've never been to Japan, and I don't think I'll ever have the chance to go, so it's not exactly important...At the moment.

I'll point out the mistakes.

1) Honorifics. Everyone seems to forget that this takes place in a European country. The fact that the manga was written in Japan is highly irrelevant. Don't use honorifics at all, ever, except in crackfics, because the normal rules don't apply in those. Otherwise, it's dumb.

(By the way, I messed up the honorifics on purpose, so don't get on my case about it, darling readers)

2) Nii-san. It's the same as with the honorifics thing- It doesn't matter that it sounds better than 'big brother.' If you want Al to refer to Ed that way, you have to use the English version, no matter how odd it sounds.

3) References to anime-only actions. 'Sweatdropped', 'fell over anime style' and 'an anger mark appeared' can only be expressed in pictures. They are exaggerations of ordinary actions, used for HUMOR in anime. Written works shouldn't contain stuff like that. It's stupid. Are YOU stupid? Yes? So you ARE stupid, hmm? Well, then, use those terms all you want. Stupid people are allowed to be stupid. It's in their nature.

4) Other Japanese words. Most random Japanese phrases are picked up from un-dubbed anime and don't make sense in fanfiction. Plus, the previously mentioned point of 'this is a European country.' The closest language they have to Japanese is Xingese, and I'm pretty sure that gets its origins from Chinese, not Japanese, so it's still inexcusable.

Basically, if you wanna show off your skill in the art of Japanesey language whatshits, write a fic entirely in Japanese.

Bye for now!

-theretard5892

PS- To get the random Japanese phrase that Ed shouted, I looked up ‘random Japanese phrases’ on Google and clicked a link to Yahoo answers.

Kyou no tenki yohou wa, gozen wa ame, gogo wa hyou, yoru wa namekuji ka. Ichiou, kawa wo motte ikou kana.= Today's weather forecast is candies in the morning, leopards in the afternoon and slugs in the night. I will bring an umbrella just in case.

I don’t know if it’s accurate, but is that really the aim of having random Japanese phrases in your fic? Of course not. The aim is to look cool, like you actually know the language, regardless of whether or not you actually do.

Yaoi

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 23:58:34 +0100

how 2 rite gud fanfikshun

By theretard5892

Chapter Fourteen: Yaoi

Alright, let's get one thing straight- Mird does not like yaoi. But she has decided to make this into a respectable chapter instead of a rant. She has also decided to stop talking in third person (which you learned about in the previous chapter, darling readers).

Here are her reasons:

There is no evidence that any of the characters in FMA are gay, except maybe Envy. In fact, there is overwhelming evidence that they are NOT gay. For example, both Roy and Havoc have had multiple girlfriends, and, for god's sake, Hughes is MARRIED. He has a wife and a daughter! Honestly. How does that seem gay to you?

Don't misunderstand me, though. I have nothing against gay people. Gay rights= Yes. I'm just against people who write yaoi/yaoi implied pairings involving characters that aren't gay. If you want to write yaoi fanfiction, write it for a yaoi series. They do exist, you know. I've never READ any, but I've seen them.

I've written my fair share of parodies poking fun at yaoi fans. I stereotype them as completely illiterate, but I DO understand that the illiteracy gene has been spread evenly between yaoi-fans and yaoi-haters, so it remains only a stereotype.

Since the yaoi pairings are all illogical, I think that they need to be INCREDIBLE to be put on this site. Any less, and it's just pollution. Again, don't misunderstand me- I'm not saying that I like yaoi. So please don't send me a bunch of RoyEd stuff and expect me to read it or something. I'm just saying, if it's well written, let the oddballs who like yaoi read it. I actually read RoyEd once (ONLY once- I was curious) and it was actually very well-written.

So, although my opinion honestly doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, only well-written yaoi/yaoi-implied pairings are allowed to be posted. End of discussion. If your yaoi fic sucks (I refuse to be the judge of that) then delete it and end pollution. RoyEd, Elricest, Edvy and HughesEd fics are like ants- they're overpopulating the lovely land of FFnet.

In closing, this chapter was highly uninformative and I apologize for wasting a few seconds of your life. Suck it up, bitches. Go eat some chocolate or something.

Bye for now!

-theretard5892

POV

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 23:57:15 +0100

how 2 rite gud fanfikshun

By theretard5892

Chapter Thirteen: POV

POV stands for 'point of view.' There are three main points of view: First person, which is where the story is told from the point of view of one of the characters.

In first person, the pronoun used is 'I'. First person is told from the point of view of a character in the story.

I walked down the street and blablabla.

For first person, you should label it as '(insert name here)'s POV' at the top of the page.

Second person is the rarest POV. In second person, the pronoun used is 'you'. Second person is used in Choose your Own Adventure books and pretty much nowhere else. It's against the rules to use second person on FFnet.

It's also against the rules to post things filled with spelling and grammar errors without spell-checking it.

No one listens to the rules.

If you want a beautiful, wonderful, perfectly amazing (bragging is good for you, kids!) example of second person, read my story 'Choices'. And, like, review and stuff. Yeah. *smiles* (I'm so unprofessional about this...)

Anyways. On to third person, the most common POV!

The pronoun used in third person is '(s)he'. There are two types of third person: limited and omniscient.

In third person limited, the narrator (that would be you) has a limited amount of knowledge pertaining to the plot, events, characters, etc. A good example of third person limited is Harry Potter. Besides a couple flashback-style blurbs into Voldemort's daily life, it's all about Harry. Harry this, Harry that- oh look! Harry's taking a shower!

Anyways, J.K. Rowling only explains Harry's thoughts, not Ron's or Hermione's. The readers never get to see what's going on with other people, unless Harry happens to be listening in. Basically, the narrator only knows as much as the main character.

Third person omniscient, on the other hand, is the opposite. The narrator knows what's going on at any given place at any given time in the story. If Harry Potter was written in third person omniscient, we'd see what Dumbledore or Hermione or some other third person is doing and we'd be able to concentrate on other parts of the school when Harry's going to the bathroom.

If Fullmetal Alchemist were to be novelized (an idea that has been thought of fans, thus resulting in multiple- undoubtedly shitty- fanfics attempting to put the series into novel form. Pointless. Fullmetal Alchemist is NOTHING without pictures) it would be written in third person omniscient because it doesn't focus on just one character. In fact, every few pages, it focuses on a completely different place in the country.

If you still don't understand this, look up 'point of view' on Wikipedia. But, seriously? If you don't understand it, then you're an idiot. Really. Almost all of you are older than me. What would your teachers say if they knew you were learning grammar from a twelve-year-old with superior intellect? You'd get expelled for pure stupidity.

Bye for now!

-theretard5892

Onomatopoeia

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 23:56:30 +0100

how 2 rite gud fanfikshun

By theretard5892

Chapter Twelve: Onomatopoeia

It took me a minute to memorize how to spell it, but it's worth it. Such a nice word.

Onomatopoeia is (this is the literal definition from dictionary dot com): 'the formation of a word, as cuckoo or boom, by imitation of a sound made by or associated with its referent.'

For example, 'Pocky' is onomatopoeia of the sound that it makes when you bite into it. That's how it got its name (according to a certain worksheet for a certain field trip to a certain place with really good food).

The usage of onomatopoeia can be extremely annoying in certain context. Do NOT start a story with it. In my opinion, that's just dumb. Although it's okay to use it sparingly, don't overuse it, because it gets annoying, fast.

For example:

Boom boom

Scar exploded a building. "EEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!" screamed the people inside. A cuckoo clock rang.

Cuckoo, cuckoo

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (aka, Resembool)

Ding dong

The doorbell rang (because the ding dong isn't hint enough of what's happening). Tap, tap, tap. Winry walked over and answered the door.

"Woof, woof!" barked Den.

Clank, clank Al's armor was loud.

"Hi," said Ed.

"Hi," said Winry.

The End

It sounds like a picture book, doesn't it? No, worse. It sounds like a board book.

So, again, use it sparingly. If you have any questions, or would like a pamphlet that outlines the proper technique used to memorize how to spell onomatopoeia, please leave a review.

Bye for now!

-theretard5892

PS- The only good book that uses lots of onomatopoeia is 'Click clack moo, Cows that type' and all related books. *nods*

Summaries

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 23:55:37 +0100

how 2 rite gud fanfikshun

By theretard5892

Chapter Eleven: Summaries

Very few people can write good summaries, which is annoying beyond words. Simply saying 'I can't write good summaries, sorry!' does NOT count as a summary. It annoys me SO much when people do that. I never read stories with those words, or anything similar, in the summary.

People tend to read things with shorter summaries. The summary for this, for example, is only about ten words.

The first sentence or two should be a brief description of the basic plot or main idea of the story. The next few sentences should be warnings, ratings, etc.

I'll give you some examples of good summaries. Note: I haven't read these, and I'm only posting them here based on the summaries.

Hate and Tears by Zenna95

Al always knew something was off about his brother, but he never knew it was something like this. T for language. Implied EdHei. WARNING: NOT A HAPPY STORY!

Good summary. Why? The first half explained a little about the story, and the second half is a warning, a rating, and the pairing.

Ling and Some Porn By yay4dei

Ling found some.../interesting/ doujins. Good thing Ed didn't find ou- oh SHIT. Crummy short oneshot, not yaoi. Charming title, isn't it?

Makes you curious, in a way, sorta, kinda, right? Now I wanna read it...

A last resort is just posting a few phrases from the story to get people curious.

But, for the love of god, don't just say 'i suck at summaries, so just R&R plz, thnx!' That's just dumb.

Bye for now!

-theretard5892

Torture fics

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 23:53:39 +0100

how 2 rite gud fanfikshun

By theretard5892

Chapter Ten: Torture fics

For some reason or another, fangirls enjoy it when Ed is in pain. Science has no explanation for this, besides the popular theory that all fanfic authors are sadists.

So, it stands to reason that everyone enjoys writing fanfiction in which they torture Ed. Here's some advice on that subject...

If you're going to have there be gore, go all the way. Don't try and skip over the icky details because you don't think the readers will like it...It looks stupid. Torture fics aren't torture fics if they don't make you feel sick. Add the details; if a reader can't stomach the gore, they'll just stop reading. If the writer can't stomach the gore, then they should go write some chibi!Edxchibi!Winry fluff or something.

Make a believable motive. I've read SO many torture fics where the 'bad guy' tortures Ed for seemingly no reason. I roll my eyes every time. Some motives you can use, up for grabs:

The 'bad guy' can just be a sadist, simple as that. There are such people in the world that just...Like the sound of screams and the sight of blood. Someone like Kimblee.

A slightly tackier one, but useful if Ed's been kidnapped by 'men in white coats': Scientists that are doing experiments on the limits of the human body. Of course, you'd have to think of some fancy back-story as to why they'd kidnap a state alchemist, seeing as that's most likely illegal...

And, the most obvious one: The 'bad guy' is an enemy of the military who is holding Ed hostage/trying to get information from him.

So, there ya go. Most torture fics are depressingly stupid, so I had no choice but to address the issue.

Bye for now!

-theretard5892

Fem!Ed

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 23:52:50 +0100

how 2 rite gud fanfikshun

By theretard5892

Chapter Nine: Fem!Ed

I have quite a few words to say on this subject.

If you're going to write fem!Ed MAKE IT HUMOR. I can't stress this enough; serious fem!Ed is just about as exciting as math class. No, it's LESS exciting, and that's saying something.

Ed being a girl since birth and hiding his gender...No. Just no. That doesn't work.

Ed getting a sex change operation because he's gay?

Even worse. (Actually, that would be pretty funny if the author was writing seriously and all the readers were just sitting there laughing their asses off...)

BUT I have seen some extremely hilarious fem!Ed...Basically, anything where there's an accidental alchemic mistake, and Ed becomes a girl...

So, if you're going to write some humorous fem!Ed...Here's some tips.

1) He must wear a bra, a skirt, and any other feminine clothes you can think of. Because Ed torture is really, really fun.

2) He must have his period. Oh god, the PAIN! The pain that boys will never, EVER understand! Force it upon him! MAKE HIM CRY. (Not really; crying Ed is unbelievably OOC, unless it involves the death of Al or shrinking)

3) Make him act like a girl. Girls minds work differently than boys, and even though he's a boy inside, his mind is different.

Make him an Edward Cullen fangirl.

Then laugh at his misery.

4) Fem!Ed does not justify Elricest, RoyEd, Edvy, HughesEd, HavocEd, etc. I know I said that his mind becomes that of a girl, so yes, he is allowed to drool over Mustang a little bit...But he must be thoroughly disgusted with himself afterwards.

Basically, make it funny. If you know of any good, humorous fem!Ed send it to me, because it is rare and should be treasured.

Bye for now!

-theretard5892